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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24998785">Wait For Me To Come Home</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/neoqueentitania/pseuds/neoqueentitania'>neoqueentitania</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sword Art Online (Anime &amp; Manga)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Fluff, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Phone Calls &amp; Telephones, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, eugeo wants to help his love, kirito just wants a nap, self projection the fanfic: yujikiri edition</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 04:07:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,496</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24998785</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/neoqueentitania/pseuds/neoqueentitania</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>He could have spoken to anybody, most of them closer; but there was really only one person his heart wanted to have.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Eugeo/Kirigaya Kazuto | Kirito</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>99</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Wait For Me To Come Home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Max_Needs_Serious_Help/gifts">Max_Needs_Serious_Help</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello, I love my boyfriend and my boyfriend loves Eugeo so here, have my boyfriend as Eugeo.<br/>Loosely based on/inspired by a phone call and some conversations my partner and I have had, because PTSD is a pain and ~ laughing with my lover ~ really does help a lot.</p>
<p>Oh, also, happy last day of pride month!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Were panic attacks a new experience for Kazuto? Regrettably, no. Was his thousandth still as raw and confronting as his first? Regrettably, yes.</p>
<p>He tapped his fingers on the wooden tabletop rhythmically, a feeble attempt to distract himself. He found that if he could find a small, meaningless task to do - like tapping a beat of a song or fiddling with the buttons of his clothes - he could push the panic attack to the back of his mind.</p>
<p>Of course, there was one other way he distracted himself.</p>
<p>“Kirito?” </p>
<p>Eugeo’s voice pierced the screaming in his head and Kazuto had never been more thankful to hear his own name.</p>
<p>“Eugeo, you’re up late, is everything okay?”</p>
<p>He looked towards the probe on his desk, taking it in his hands to hold it gently. It was a similar one to the one he had made Yui, only this one was slightly smaller. It was a stand-in for the real Eugeo, a placeholder until Kazuto’s research could allow him to remake Eugeo’s body in the real world.</p>
<p>God, how he’d kill to have Eugeo’s hands in his own once more. Someday; they had to hold onto the chance of a someday.</p>
<p>“It’s morning in Rulid,” Eugeo reminded him, fluctlight bouncing around the probe to peek around Kazuto’s room.</p>
<p>The room was messy, Kazuto knew that well. He had clothes piled in one corner, blankets strewn across the floor and a pillow from his bed thrown on top of his desk - a testament to his latest night terror.</p>
<p>“Ah, right, I forgot about that,” </p>
<p>Kazuto stared into the probe’s camera, smiling softly so Eugeo could see him. He couldn’t see Eugeo’s face, but he hoped he was smiling back.</p>
<p>“Have you eaten?” Eugeo asked.</p>
<p>Kazuto looked down at his feet, “I’ll get something later. My sister’s asleep and I don’t want to disturb her or wake her up by going to the kitchen,”</p>
<p>Even without seeing his face, Kazuto could tell Eugeo was frowning. Kazuto could almost picture him, cute face laced with concern, lips tightly together while he tried to think of a response.</p>
<p>Eugeo worried about him, Kazuto knew that. If anything, he felt that he should’ve been the one worrying after Eugeo, considering he was the one who had actually died, but Eugeo was concerned and attentive, constantly checking in on him and asking how he was holding up.</p>
<p>It was nice, a welcome break from nightmares and panic attacks and a reminder that somebody cared. Somebody cared enough to let him break down his walls a little more. Somebody cared enough to hold his heart in their hands - hold all his secrets, all his demons, all his nightmares and all the things that haunted him in the middle of the night - and be gentle with it, treating it like the most delicate of flowers.</p>
<p>Kazuto guessed that was why he felt so safe with Eugeo. He could give him his heart - no matter how broken or bruised it may have been - and he would still cherish it as if it was beating solely for him.</p>
<p>In a way, it was.</p>
<p>After everything they’d been through, it would have been so easy to let stress and tension get between them and break them apart. It would have been easy to give up on Eugeo after he had died and accept that some things weren’t meant to work out. But neither of them had given up. They had fought the battle of their lives to see each other again, never once giving in to what would have appeared to be their tragic fate, and it had paid off.</p>
<p>It wasn’t ideal, of course. They both would have preferred to be in each other’s arms rather than be in two separate worlds, painfully separated by the difficult thing called reality. But the probe worked, they could hear each other, and Eugeo could see him. Kazuto was still working on a way to be able to see Eugeo, too. Anything to have him closer until they could find a way to bring him to the real world in a physical form.</p>
<p>Until then, cameras and voices would have to do.</p>
<p>“Kirito, you’re taking care of yourself, right?”</p>
<p>“How’s… How’s Alice doing?” Kazuto asked, eager to change the subject.</p>
<p>“She’s okay, she’s constantly training now, though. It reminds me of you and Lena,”</p>
<p>Kazuto laughed softly, thinking back to fuzzy memories of his time in The Underworld. His days were mostly spent training or studying, with healthy amounts of relaxing with Eugeo in between his responsibilities.</p>
<p>Eugeo’s voice dropped quiet with concern, “Is something wrong? You seem a little off,”</p>
<p>Kazuto sighed. He should’ve known he couldn’t hide it. Still, he had hoped Eugeo wouldn’t notice him staring at the wall in an attempt to block out horrific pictures flashing through his mind, or the way he faltered and stumbled on his words, too distracted by screams and cries in his brain.</p>
<p>“Is it the nightmares again?” Eugeo asked, voice soft and comforting.</p>
<p>Of course it was the nightmares, when wasn’t it the nightmares? It was always the nightmares or the flashbacks or the triggers Kazuto himself didn’t always understand. It was everything he had done and everything he had been through brought painfully to the forefront of his mind at the worst times when all he wanted was closure he would never get.</p>
<p>“Yes…”</p>
<p>Kazuto felt his head drop in shame. He hated that he wasn’t over everything by now. He wanted to move on, to forget everything had happened, act as if those years of his life were nothing but a horrible, twisted dream.</p>
<p>But he couldn’t.</p>
<p>“Hey, it’s okay,” Eugeo soothed, “You’re going to be okay. Are you okay right now?”</p>
<p>“No. No, Eugeo, I’m not okay at all,” Kazuto shook his head, eyes stinging with tears. Could he let himself shed them in front of him?</p>
<p>“Kirito, listen to me, listen to the sound of my voice,”</p>
<p>The sound of Eugeo’s voice seemed distorted, but Kazuto knew it was more than faulty technology. The fault was him - his own brain twisting the world around him until nothing felt real and it felt like he was suspended apart from himself. </p>
<p>Nothing felt real.</p>
<p>“I can’t,” Kazuto choked, swallowing hard to stop a sob breaking from his throat, “I can’t focus on your voice, I don’t know what it sounds like, I can’t hear it-“</p>
<p>“You can.” Eugeo’s voice was firm but still comforting, still warm, “You can listen to me, Kirito, you know what my voice sounds like. I’m here, you can hear me,”</p>
<p>“Eugeo, I can’t-“</p>
<p>“Kirito, you can.”</p>
<p>Kazuto felt the first tear roll down his cheek, another following quickly after. Why did he have to cry? Was it not bad enough he was forcing his favourite person to hear him so panicked, did he really have to force him to hear him cry, too?</p>
<p>“Breathe,” Eugeo took in a deep breath, hoping Kazuto would do the same. </p>
<p>He did, his breath shaky and wet. Then he exhaled, sniffling slightly. The tears kept falling, leaving wet trails down his cheeks as they landed on the top of the probe’s camera. Eugeo probably didn’t appreciate teardrops obscuring his view, but he didn’t say anything.</p>
<p>“You’re doing so good,”</p>
<p>“I’m not doing good, Eugeo, I’m doing very very bad,”</p>
<p>“Listen to me-“</p>
<p>“I can’t hear you, Eugeo!”</p>
<p>He hadn’t meant to snap, he was scared and tense and his voice came out before he’d intended it to. He felt guilt set in as soon as he heard his voice - cold and angry and so uncharacteristically mean. He’d never used that tone on Eugeo before, the only people who he’d used that tone on were…</p>
<p>“Eugeo, I can see them again, I can hear them all Eugeo,” Kazuto’s voice shook with both fear and anger as he spoke, “I see them attacking me and attacking you and attacking Tiese and Ronye and I can see him-“ he practically spat, “-attacking Asuna and-“</p>
<p>“Kirito, I need you to listen to my voice,” Eugeo raised his voice, not in anger but in desperation, trying to get Kazuto to hear him over his own sobs and memories.</p>
<p>“I can’t hear you, Eugeo,”</p>
<p>“You can answer me, you can hear me, it’s okay, I’m right here,”</p>
<p>“You aren’t here,” Kazuto sobbed loudly, clutching the probe against his chest and dropping his head down, almost to kiss the camera.</p>
<p>“I know…” Eugeo’s voice broke as if he might cry as well before he cleared his throat and started talking again, soothing and comforting, like he could hug Kazuto with his voice alone.</p>
<p>“I know I’m not there,” Eugeo admitted regretfully, “I know you wish I was there, I wish I was there too. I wish for nothing more than to be able to really help you and support you through all of this. But you have my voice, you can get through this. Do you need to call someone else? Sinon or Sta- Asuna? They know what this is like more than I do,”</p>
<p>Kazuto shook his head, holding the probe tighter against his chest, ignoring how the hard plastic pushed uncomfortably against his soft skin.</p>
<p>“I don’t want them, I want you, Eugeo,” </p>
<p>Realistically, he could have called Asuna or Shino. He could have called them and asked them to come over to physically support him. He could have walked to his aunt’s room and asked her to help calm him down or to rub his back. He could have asked his sister to have mindless conversations with him about ALfheim until he fell asleep.</p>
<p>But he didn’t want any of them.</p>
<p>He wanted Eugeo. He wanted to be in Eugeo’s arms again, to feel his heartbeat in his chest to prove he was alive - to prove they were both alive, he wanted Eugeo’s hands fitting against his while his thumb stroked the back of his hand.</p>
<p>But Eugeo couldn’t be there. He was stuck in some digital void, worlds away from who wanted - needed - him the most. </p>
<p>Kazuto wanted nothing more than to have Eugeo there with him, to feel him and know he was safe. His voice was wonderful, reassuring and comforting and perfectly Eugeo’s, but it could never replace actually being able to touch him, to have his hands over his heart reminding him that they were real and alive and together.</p>
<p>“I need you,” Kazuto voice was barely above a whisper and he started sobbing again, louder than before, body shaking with each sob as he grew more distressed. He didn’t know how to calm down, didn’t know how to stop the memories from popping up in his mind again.</p>
<p>The mocking faces of laughing coffin members clouded his vision, screams and sadistic laughter ringing in his ears until it drowned everything else out. His entire body shook as she stared in horror at his own hands, displaced and foreign to him. Had the room always been spinning?</p>
<p>“-Kirito... Kirito! Kirito!” </p>
<p>“Eugeo, please, help me, I can’t breathe,” Kazuto gasped for air before he coughed and sobbed, choking on his tears as Eugeo’s voice melted into the background noise. </p>
<p>“Kirito, I need you to breathe,”</p>
<p>“I can’t-”</p>
<p>“You can, you’re breathing to talk, you can breathe,” Eugeo kept calm, somehow, his voice never faltering as Kazuto broke down.</p>
<p>“Eugeo, I need you here, please, I can’t do this on my own, I can’t,”</p>
<p>Kazuto’s fingernails dug into his knees, tears wetting his shirt, but he didn’t notice. He was too far disassociated to notice and too deep in a panic to care. His knuckles were turning white while he swallowed hard and coughed, the air too thick in his lungs for him to get a good breath. He had been through it all before, but each time he became convinced he was taking his last breaths, which pushed him deeper into a panic and made breathing even harder.</p>
<p>“You can, I know you can,” Eugeo comforted, “Please, Kirito, I need you to breathe. I can’t lose you, okay? I can’t. We’re so close to being together again, you can’t die on me now,”</p>
<p>Kazuto shook his head, still crying, “I can’t breathe, I feel like I’m suffocating, please,”</p>
<p>“Call your aunt.”</p>
<p>“No! I don’t want her to see me like this!” </p>
<p>Midori only had a vague idea of what Kazuto had been through in Sword Art Online. She’d heard bits here and there, little snippets of conversation he had with his friends, information Asuna would “accidentally” tell her when Kazuto was getting bad again. He knew she told her, she’d been concerned about him and needed to tell someone who could look out for him. But he wasn’t exactly happy about it. Midori never mentioned it directly, but he could tell that she knew.</p>
<p>“Kirito, you need someone there who can help you-”</p>
<p>“You’re helping!”</p>
<p>“What if you pass out? Then what? I’m stuck in a computer, I can’t do anything. Call for your aunt, or call for your sister, I don’t care who you call, please just get someone,”</p>
<p>Kazuto shook his head again. If he didn’t want his aunt to see him so panicked he absolutely didn’t want his sister to see him. The poor girl already worried about him probably more than necessary, he didn’t need to give her own anxieties any more fuel. He’d be fine, he’d make himself fine.</p>
<p>“I’ll be okay,” Kazuto’s voice shook, “I just… Please, please stay with me. I need you, Eugeo,”</p>
<p>“I’m here, Kirito,” Eugeo sighed, resigning himself to the fact Kazuto wouldn’t call for anyone, “I’m here and I’m not leaving,”</p>
<p>“Promise?”</p>
<p>“I promise,”</p>
<p>Kazuto attempted to take a deep breath but his chest felt too tight, as if someone was holding his lungs with a vice-like grip, squeezing out the air he was desperately trying to breathe in, making him gasp for it, choking on the air around him as it felt heavier in his throat.</p>
<p>“Please, help, I can’t-”</p>
<p>“You can.” Eugeo assured him, more firmly than the first time, “You can breathe and you will. Come on, close your eyes and take a breath,”</p>
<p>“I can’t close my eyes,” Kazuto cried.</p>
<p>If he closed his eyes he’d see them all again. He’d see the taunting faces of the people he’d killed, the people who died for him, the people he couldn’t save. He saw them every time he closed his eyes. He still heard Sachi scream out for him, still saw Yui fading away to a line of code, still saw Asuna vanish from his arms, still saw Eugeo go limp against him. </p>
<p>Eugeo was the one who haunted him the most. He could still feel the way his cold body felt against his skin, still saw his eyes fading as he bled out, still smelt the blood and sweat, still heard his last words echoing around his head until it felt like his brain turned to rot.</p>
<p>But he was here. He was alive, in a way, and well and laughing and living. They spoke all the time, but the fear and the memory of Eugeo being dead were still much too raw. Kazuto still couldn’t forget, he couldn’t forgive himself and move on. He doubted he would ever be able to forgive himself and move on, for anything in his past.</p>
<p>“Kirito, just trust me. Nothing will hurt you, I promise,”</p>
<p>“I can’t close my eyes Eugeo, I can’t, I can’t, I don’t want to see everything again,”</p>
<p>Eugeo went quiet and for a moment Kazuto thought it might have been the final straw, that Eugeo had simply given up and decided to carry on with life without him in it. He didn’t need a broken boy with too much trauma for his young life. Really, who did?</p>
<p>Just as he was about to start sobbing out a desperate apology, Eugeo’s voice came through the speaker again, soft and soothing in the tone only Eugeo could manage, filling Kazuto with the warmth only Eugeo could fill him with.</p>
<p>“Just think of my face, Kirito. Close your eyes - please - and tell me what I look like. Just think of me,”</p>
<p>Kazuto doubted it would work, but he was willing to try anything. He had full faith in Eugeo, he trusted him with his entire life. If Eugeo asked him to do something, he’d try anything. He trusted that he’d help him if things went wrong again. So, Kazuto shut his eyes tightly and pictured Eugeo’s face. Eugeo’s perfect face he wanted to see again so terribly.</p>
<p>“Tell me what I look like, Kirito,” Eugeo said softly.</p>
<p>Kazuto thought hard, blocking out images of Eugeo’s state as he died. He tried to think back to when they were children. </p>
<p>“You have blond hair,” he began quietly, “You have blond hair and green eyes - really gorgeous green eyes, they look like summer - and you have nice skin, it’s smooth and clear and nice to hold, and…”</p>
<p>He gulped, his image of Eugeo distorting to a regrettably familiar face, the twisted face of another man from his past, green eyes and blond hair and painfully forced smile - a formality dropped once it was no longer convenient for him.</p>
<p>“Eugeo, Eugeo it’s happening again,”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“My voice.” Eugeo decided, “Tell me about my voice, how does it sound?”</p>
<p>“It sounds cute,” Kazuto stammered, “I like it, it’s really soft and it isn’t so deep that it doesn’t suit you. It… It’s warm, it makes me feel safe,”</p>
<p>He could practically hear Eugeo’s smug grin, “You like my voice that much?”</p>
<p>“Yes…” </p>
<p>Kazuto buried his face in his hands, smiling the tiniest bit. Maybe he’d be okay after all.</p>
<p>“If my voice makes you feel safe, do you want me to just talk to you for a while? Will that help? I can distract you a little?”</p>
<p>“Yes please,”</p>
<p>Eugeo cleared his throat, “Well… I’m proud of you, Kirito. This is hard, but you’re doing so good. Thank you for trusting me when you’re vulnerable like this, it really means a lot to me. I wish I could physically be there to help you a little more, though,”</p>
<p>“Yeah, me too,” Kazuto agreed quietly.</p>
<p>“I will be someday, though, I promise,” Eugeo told him, “I won’t give up until I can be in the real world with you,”</p>
<p>“I won’t give up either,”</p>
<p>Kazuto focused on the sound of Eugeo’s voice as the boy told him about his day, wishing he could be there next to him. The panic gradually began to subside - not leaving entirely, but becoming more manageable as Kazuto lost himself in Eugeo’s voice.</p>
<p>“I hope you know that I’m not leaving,” Eugeo said softly, “I’m staying through all of this. All your nightmares, the trauma, everything. I’m not leaving your side.”</p>
<p>Kazuto smiled again, a little easier this time. “I’m not leaving your side, either,”</p>
<p>The heavy feeling in Kazuto’s chest got a little lighter, like Eugeo’s words had taken away a weight he hadn’t known he’d been carrying, anxiety he didn’t realise he had. Eugeo wasn’t leaving, not if either of them could help it. One day he’d be reunited with him in the real world, when nights wouldn’t be so long and unbearable and lonely. He didn’t even realise that he was grinning, thoughts of all the things he planned to do with Eugeo coming to the front of his mind rather than trauma and nightmares. </p>
<p>They spoke for another few hours, Kazuto eventually managing to calm down to the point he could fall asleep, just as the sun was peaking through his curtains. He knew his aunt had heard the fuss during the night, though, so he doubted she’d wake him up early.</p>
<p>“Thanks… for talking to... me… Eugeo…” Kazuto mumbled through yawns as he cuddled his pillow closer to his chest.</p>
<p>“I love talking to you, I’ll do it whenever you want to,” Eugeo replied, his voice finally giving into drowsiness he’d been fighting for two hours. His tired voice wasn’t a little huskier than his usual talking voice, a little lower and almost warmer, if that was even possible. Kazuto liked his sleepy voice a lot, it made him feel butterflies all through his body whenever he got to hear it. Plus, it made him less secure about his own voice, which he cringed at most of the time.</p>
<p>“Night, Eugeo…” Kazuto yawned one more time before he fell asleep, his dark eyes finally peacefully closed, black hair falling over his face. He looked so peaceful, it was hard to imagine he’d ever spent nights screaming and crying out in terror, especially not mere hours before.</p>
<p>“Goodnight, Kirito,” Eugeo’s voice was soft and warm, filled with so much joy and affection that he couldn’t possibly contain it, “I love you,”</p>
<p>And if he hadn’t have fallen asleep so quickly, he would have heard Kazuto’s quietly mumbled: “I love you, too.”</p>
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